Gandalf's Mary Sue
by TheOnlyMarauderette
Summary: Gandalf is sick of these 'Mary Sues' popping up all over the place and is annoyed that they're all for Legolas and Aragorn. But when he thinks his luck has changed, he gets a smack in the face. Please review! Oneshot.
1. Chapter 1

_**I do not own Lord of the Rings. The other day, I noticed another thing about Mary Sues. They always seem to fall in love with Legolas or Aragorn. Not in this fic though . . .**_

Gandalf wanted to smash something with his staff. Really. Really. Badly. These beautiful, perfect girls kept falling mysteriously out of the sky and falling in love with Legolas or Aragorn.

The amount of times he has had to erase their memories so they could get on with this stupid quest was unreal. One after another, they would fall from the heavens and mostly Legolas would be in awe of their heavenly beauty and Aragorn would hide it, only to announce his undying love the next day.

He had learnt this were really pathetic, lonely girls from a different world who had an unhealthy obsession with either the man or elf. But what about poor Gandalf? Does he get any alluring women craving his love? Nope, zero, zilch, nada!

Suddenly, sunlight rained down so brightly, if you looked at it, you would be blinded.

Here comes another one, Gandalf thought bitterly. Then his jaw dropped open.

A women of around eighty fell into a conveniently placed pile of leaves in front of them (there always seemed to be a pile of leaves in front of them). She had grey streaks in her faded black hair and was slightly hunched over. She carried a walking stick. And Gandalf's day was made when she stood up and fell into his arms.

"My . . . Back," she moaned.

"Don't worry, my dear," Gandalf said with a smile. "Let me help you."

But as soon as the women saw his face, see jumped a mile backwards.

"Don't be afraid," Gandalf said. "You seem to have fallen-"

"I know perfectly well that I'm in Middle Earth and that's the problem," she said angrily.

"Why, my sweet?" Gandalf asked. None of the other Mary Sues had acted like this before.

"Firstly, I am not your sweet or dear, and secondly, I was looking for Albus Dumbledore."

_**What do y'all think? If you liked this try reading my other Mary Sue bashing story The Ten Members of the Fellowship.**_

_**Please review but please, no flames! There are more chapters to this, but all basically about Mary Sues.**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Okay, I've decided to make this a two, maybe three-shot. I do not own Lord of the Rings. Here you go . . .**_

Okay, so the whole 'I'm looking for Albus Dumbledore' business might have been a tad embarrassing. Maybe _**a lot **_embarrassing. After sending the lady off to 'Hogwarts', whatever that is, Gandalf erased Gimli, Aragorn and Legolas' memories but he wish he could erase his own to heal his pride.

They were on their way to Helm's Deep when Gandalf heard something.

"Meeehh," someone moaned.

"What was that?" Legolas enquired, fingering his bow.

"If I knew, do you think I'd be standing here looking around?" Gandalf asked.

Suddenly, a rock beside them started twitching. Everyone backed away in fear. Then the rock flew skyward as a girl of about thirteen crawled out from under it. At least this author was more creative about this Mary Sue.

"Are you alright child?" Legolas questioned worriedly. The girl then let out an excited squeal and ran and hugged him.

"OMG you're Legolas! Aaahhh! It's Aragorn!" she screamed, running and hugging Aragorn who stood frozen, shocked.

"Gimli!" she continued and hugged the dwarf so hard he fell over.

At this point Gandalf was feeling severely left out and decided to clear his throat in case the girl just didn't see him. She whirled around and shrieked, talking super fast,

" OMG! Whatareyoudoinghere? CanIhaveyourautograph? ? ?"

"Slow down," Gandalf begged, for the girl had been talking so fast, all he caught was something about autographs and wolves.

"Wolver what?" he asked.

"Will. You. Get. Me. Wolverine's. Autograph?" she pronounced slowly.

"Who?" Gandalf said, still desperately confused.

"Jeez," the girl exclaimed exasperated. "For an all-powerful, metal controlling villain, you're a bit slow Magneto . . ."

It was not Gandalf's day.

_**Thank you PaperHeart382 for the inspiration! Thanks to everyone who reviewed too! xxx**_


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi guys! Thanks to everyone who reviewed! Okay I'm not sure how long this is going to turn out, but I won't update it regularly, just when I have an idea and the time. So reviews and requests help *hint hint*. Now for more Mary Sue madness. . . **

It was an understatement to say that Gandalf wasn't in a good mood. Two Mary Sues in a day? He was hoping that today he would be free of them. They were in Edoras when a young stable hand (every man in Rohan seemed to be either a stable hand or a soldier) rushed forward.

"Sirs! The soldiers found an elf, but she's gravely wounded. We need your help Estel!" he said, facing Aragorn._ Here we go again . . . _Gandalf thought.

"Of course," Aragorn said solemnly. _That damn king can never say no! _Gandalf thought angrily.

They were rushed to were the 'elf' was kept. She was beautiful (of course) but deathly pale. Yet somehow, with a only few muttered words she sat up straight.

"What is your name fair maiden?" Legolas asked breath taken. Gandalf really wasn't amused.

"Raven Lalalanaviana Moonstar Glimmer Rose Prettiness of Elfrietlianzimbabholly otherwise known as Rainbow land," she said fluttering her eyelashes.

"Sirs!" the same stable hand called from outside._ That man really needs to learn how to stay quiet._

"Mordor is attacking us! We have no weapons, only farm tools," he said. Gandalf looked ready to smack the farm hand, but Raven Lalalanaviana Moonstar Glimmer Rose whatever her name is jumped up immediately and ran outside. Everyone followed, albeit Gandalf reluctantly.

"I know just what to do!" she exclaimed. Suddenly a pile of wood and a hammer and a nails appeared out of nowhere. Within thirty seconds, she had a catapult built.

"But milady! We don't have any ammunition!" the annoying stable hand cried.

"I have an idea!" she said running off somewhere.

"We can't let her fight Gandalf! The thought of her getting hurt pains my heart greatly!" Legolas said. Soon Raven Mary Sue appeared carrying seven huge pigs.

She began to load and shoot them at the approaching army.

"It will be just on target because I was reading a book yesterday on angles and force," she explained. Gandalf turned to see that the seven pigs had wiped out the majority of the army. Raven bowed her head solemnly and said,

"They fought bravely."

"You launched them out of a catapult, I don't think they had much choice!" Gandalf snapped. He saw an Orc coming his way and got half way through saying,

"I will kill you foul beast!" only to be interrupted by Raven.

"No! You might strain your back!" she cried and killed the Orc with a sword that magically appeared at her waist. _Girly, you did not just mention my back. You've got a whole world of pain coming to you now, _Gandalf thought indignantly.

"Raven?" he said sweetly.

"Yes?" she answered, turning around. "Did you dislocate your hip?"

_That does it._

BANG! Gandalf whacked her face with his staff. SMACK! Then he went for the side of her head. She was unconscious. _That'll show her._

With his foot, he shoved her under a conveniently placed bush. Just then, Legolas ran over to him.

"Gandalf, where is my love Raven?" he said.

"Alas Legolas," he began gravely. "They killed her and took the body."

Legolas looked heartbroken, but Gandalf was oddly cheery.

"You two just weren't meant to be I guess. Come along now!"

_**Oh I forgot, I don't own Lord of the Rings. So what did you think?**_


End file.
